Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
