What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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