you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
