You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
