There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
