If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
