I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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