Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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