Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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