why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
