this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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