weddingsv make me drug and hornr
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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