maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
