Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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