I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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