please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
