We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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