you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
