how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am available for nakedness
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
