After last night, I could never be a politician.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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