you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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