my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
