Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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