omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
