No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize