you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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