Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
