so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
