Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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