So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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