I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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