So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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