I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize