the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
