My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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