Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
