Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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