I just pynch a tree in the face
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
