i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
