just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
