Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
