U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize