I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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