Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
