And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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