all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
