Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
