Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
