Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
