I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
