Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
