It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
