Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize