woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
