i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
