so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
