he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
