Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
