You're completely useless in the revolution.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
