Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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