Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
