some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
