it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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