Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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