they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize