I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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