i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
