Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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