Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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