So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
