Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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