i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
