Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
