She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
