I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
