just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
