that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
