She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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