Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
