If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You ate ashes out of my bong
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
