imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I want is dick and wine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize