I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I deserve this hangover.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
