So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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