Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
