My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
