perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
