i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
