I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
