Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
