Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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