Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
