My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize