I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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