so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
