The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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