A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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