you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize