dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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