We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
