I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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