I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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