Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
