just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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