a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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