I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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