Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

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(925): View more from California

If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

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(972): View more from Texas

The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.

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(+61): View more from Australia

im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter

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(970): View more from Colorado

Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.

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